youth worship: don't do it.

oh wait, i don't mean this kind of youth worship.

at age 30 (29 back home), i've become conscious of my physical aging. it's during those quick glimpses at my reflection in seoul metro's windows when what i used to think was me looking "tired" is just me looking older.

of course there are also telltale physical changes. "the genital area will darken and the testicles will descend further..." oops, that's a flashback to my 5th grade puberty manual. but lately, white hair liberally springs forth from my temples and my face isn't as firm as before.

reactions to my age have also changed. back in my kid dynamo days, my parents' friends or work contacts would compare my vitae and age and spasm. but their awkwardly emphatic "my god, you're SO young!" responses have been replaced with something more along the lines of, "oh, don't worry. you've still got plenty of time," and a pat on my leg. plenty of time for what? living?

in korea, question #2 is always: "how old are you?" so, there are plenty of opportunities to gauge reactions. lately, several pretty young bucks have made unsolicited comments that i don't look 30. thanks, but what i think they really mean is, "... because if you did, i couldn't see myself hanging out / making out with you." it feels like by denying my age, they are protecting their youthful capital. call me crazy, but i think it's rude and weird to pretend that i'm younger without my permission.

spending a good part of my day among homos means i'm inundated with youth worship and guys who spend so much of their day being insecure about growing older... re: the latter, talk about an ironic waste of time.

i have a track record of dating younger guys, but it was more about dominating them than worshipping their physical beauty or intellectual naivite. sure, firm hotness is fun (heck, someone should build an angkor-style temple to honor the perfect ass i saw at the gym today!), but when among the young, i'm weary of the impatience! the self-importance! the two simultaneously! or, the fact that everything is an outrage- be it darfur or not returning a phone call.

now, if that rare blended wise+hot youngster out there fancies me, please come hither. but since he's no doubt accustomed to gayland bowing down because of his youth and not his merit, it's probably better if i don't give him the benefit of the doubt (initially at least). make dollface work!

nowadays i enjoy being around people (young and old) who appreciate a lil wisdom. i like seeing my priorities and perspectives maturing. i've found this happens most readily among the patient and thoughtful types who usually have a few years on me. living this out in relationship form (as long as he's still hot, of course) would be awfully exciting.