man plan 2008

sometimes dating in korea makes me feel like this (photo from ny times).

i'm fortunate to have been an odd child, so as i approach 30 years, i embrace evidence that in adulthood i've retained some of the quirks of yesteryear. after one week of 24/7 cohabitation with my mom and her 2nd husband, insanity is close at hand. perhaps this is why it feels appropriate to share with you my "man plan 2008".

i've been single 96.61% of my life. i'm really good at it. but after 7 months of deliberately not dating, i've restarted with gusto. "man plan" is my daily tally of prospective mates. since high school i've measured the emotional via empirical, and this chart tracks what i perceive to be the relationship potential of several (currently 17) dating prospects.

lest my lessor selves unduly influence the process, i rely on scientific means.

as a well-heeled internet dater, most days' fluctuations are based on msn or skype conversations, or emails exchanged via gay dating websites like fridae.com. while face-to-face encounters offer more dramatic point fluctuations (maximum +/- 5), i've yet to meet half of my mankubs. that said, cyber dating contestants can only go for so long before in-the-flesh encounters become mandatory.

fortunately, they do occur - 15 of 'em last month alone. one especially busy week had 7 penciled in over 7 days, but one guy cancelled last-minute. according to the chart, we don't have much relationship potential anyway, but there's still a tiny bit of hope for he and me, because unlike 5 of the chart's original contestants, he remains in play... though his going to a big sex party in bangkok this weekend will cost him a few points.

the few people who know about my man plan think it's weird. my kbs co-host eagerly awaits my date summaries prior to recording our radio show, but things got awkward when she discovered that my chart wasn't a joke. maybe she don't date much, or thinks "date" is a euphemism for butt sex (for me it isn't). to further clarify, a "date" shouldn't be confused with "dating" someone, which is the verb some use to describe what they're doing with their boyfriend/girlfriend. no, unlike some latterday version of an old-skool, promiscuous mormon homo, i don't have 17 boyfriends.

infrequent.

so, if you consider that my dates are innocent and quite quaint, really, there should be little discomfort with old-fashioned, 0.75-3.0 hour encounters, usually over food/drink and sometimes while doing something or going somewhere. when we meet, 90% of the time i'm disappointed that the real thing is less hot than the profile photo. i'm old enough to remember the good ole days before everyone had photoshop and digital cameras to ensure the most flattering mug shot, myself included.

i'm proud of my intuition and grasp of nuance. that said, korea's cultural differences present an as-yet, unmastered layer. but typically, by 30 mins into a date i have a good idea of where things are going. sometimes i feel like a therapist, a babysitter or a free english lesson. if our conversation is primarily in korean, i feel retarded. sometimes i actively cultivate awkwardness while other times i try to prevent it. lately i've noticed that i'm asking all of the questions. why? are you a celebrity? is this a job interview? while i'm too polite to role play the first time around, it's an ongoing temptation. in any case, i'm a self-conscious person but while dating i'm never nervous - the stakes are too low, what transpires is too predictable.

the handsome couple. what didn't she have? what couldn't we have been? alas... onward.

on a few recent couplings, a dubai-based korean flight attendant unexpectedly asked to spend the night (damn them cabin crew!), during a lunch date, i was reintroduced to the weird asian american homo phenomenon, and i quickly aborted a recent date with a cute korean youngster who refused to say the word "gay" and took three phone calls during our 45-minute dinner. while that's typical komo behavior, papa ain't having it.

of course, like any worthwhile plan, "man plan 2008" is goals-oriented. ideally in time for a tandem trip to this spring's samcheok penis festival, but definitely by the end of summer, i'll find me an upstanding korean man, 27-35, who satisfies all the requisite criteria, including what i admit is a shameless korean fetish (since i'm only half-korean i can't claim that it's a natural predilection).

ultimately, i hope that searching for him doesn't precipitate the overwhelming loneliness it did last summer... so far, my roster of hunnies has some promise, but it's time i cultivate another pool of potentials. fortunately, this city is huge, and koko - gay and straight, alike - are obsessed with relationships.

wish me luck!