27 August 2007

what i left

being amidst good friends that go way back is something i miss about living in seoul. so after spending the night with mommy at the peaceable kingston compound, i headed into seattle to stock up on bosom-friend time before i return to korea next week.

my first stop was brunch amidst the bookstore cafe's floor-to-ceiling wooden bookshelves. so perhaps it was fitting that over lox and a spicy margarita, lovely florangela convinced me that i have a book to write. an uncharacteristically vigorous shopping spree followed before dinner with my godsons and drinks with ky, queen marina and lulu. a hazy final few hours at a salsa ballroom and in 2 homo clubs capped my saturday in seattle.

on my way to neighbours, seattle's "seediest" "mainstream" "gay" dance venue, i shared a triple-take with a cute hapa guy on the sidewalk that didn't amount to anything. once inside the club, i alternated between babysitting my tossed dear gay girl (don't never call her lesbian) and dancing amongst a group of gaysians that had gathered in a back corner.

besides being a tiny bit paranoid they'd think my butchy-aryan lady friend was my rice queen, being in their midst reminded me of what i left: a nation whose gay asian population is generally awkward and self-loathing (with the possible exception of HI). contrast this to where i live now: a city whose gay men are handsome, cocky, and the fancy of asia. sure, their almost universally closeted status suggests another kind of self-hate, but at least most aren't desperate for the validation of white gay men. maybe it's a good thing that my childhood was too preoccupied with mixed confusion to internalize much asian american male / gay self-hate. being among these weird boys didn't make me horny as much as it made me want to start an NGO for asian american homo self-love.

5 comments:

Jon said...

re: asian american homo self-hate: i've never really known any full-asian american 'mos well, but is their goal really & truly to land a big tall caucazoid daddy? just like all the groups in seattle's racially segregated gay world, i always saw the full gaysians as being perfectly happy in their cliques of drag queens and puffy gym bunnies... and just as exclusive as the whities.

matt said...

god forbid someone gets offended... but much like gossipy little hetero teen girls, their friends are like them (but in this case gay and asian... unless they're korean adoptees, of course). platonics aside, when it comes to getting laid, they prefer to bottom for The Man. re: age, i assume they'd prefer something younger and more attractive but can't imagine such good fortune... so fat white daddy will do. of course, the puffiness is nature's cruel punishment for overcompensation.

eastern bloc biznastiness said...

you haven't updated in forever (though im one to talk... been lazy). are you back in kokotown?

matt said...

ya. and she's windy.

Anonymous said...

great post. quite apt.

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