i used to work

a pretty good summary of my life of late.

yesterday marked 2 years since i had a... job.

while i keep "busy" with the odd freelance gig, i feel somewhat like a trust fund kid interning at his mom's swanky PR firm - symbolically employed but without personal investment or responsibility. trouble is, i have no trust fund and my savings account is being rapidly evacuated. two years on, without debt, healthcare woes or onerous family obligations, i'm 86% convinced that life need not be arranged around employment, and that amassing money or power is not integral to my identity.

but after 8 years of using my job as a proxy for my self, old habits, while clearly dead, periodically whisper from the grave. at mavin there were always big new projects, exciting funding possibilities, and ego-boosting media profiles and awards. so even though overworking gave me a 6-year-long cold, i was addicted to the public's praise of busy-ness and ambition. eventually, total burn-out inspired cold turkey retirement, and although sometimes (yesterday) i feel lazy, i think the pendulum needs to stay on this extreme a bit longer before ultimately finding balance.

but the over-functioning impulse remains. when a korean publisher shows interest in my blog's "field trip" posts, i'm curious and flattered and ambitious plans form in my head. obviously bloggers seek attention, so when my daily reader count surpasses 100, i think about being more disciplined with my writing to attract more daily visitors. of course, then via my free website statistics counter i learn that most of them are coming thanks to the titles of two former posts: "korean donkey show" and "penis park" (who knew there were so many people in the middle east looking for donkey sex and korean penises?).

thank goodness for saudi arabians on the hunt for east asian penis. and praise be to this campy and random fabulously unaffected blog i found yesterday. both (more the latter) remind me that blogging is most fun when i don't audit my authentic self to escape criticism, since that's what face-to-face real life behavior is for, right? in theory, it might be nice to shape lots and lots of peoples' impressions of korea, but god forbid i ever enter the cranky and self-important world of expat bloggers.

so, since it's 3 pm on leap year day afternoon with no food, or work ethic at hand, i think it's a good time for... ritz and whiskey!!

three cheers for the idle class.